The Learning Curve

Before Luca was born, I was told that parenting has a pretty steep learning curve. I don't remember who told me, but they were absolutely right. You begin not knowing how on earth to care for the small thing that is suddenly completely dependent on you, and in a few short weeks become an expert on feeding, diapering, soothing, and all other aspects of baby care. When that baby turns into a toddler however, all bets are off. Luca is now walking competently, and although he has only recently reached the toddler stage, Chris and I are realizing we need to relearn some of our basic parenting assumptions as our little one reaches new heights (figuratively and literally). Here are some of our discoveries in the very new world of toddlerhood:

• If you think you have placed it out of reach, put it about 6 inches farther up or back. Then it may actually be unreachable. For about a week
• A toddler in motion will remain in motion towards the one thing in the room they aren't supposed to play with.
• A toddler at rest should be left at rest, unless you wish all hell to break loose.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite ear shattering shriek.
• Poop happens. At the worst possible moment. And it is never completely contained to the diaper.
• The toy remote you have just bought me is nowhere near as interesting as the real one you are currently using. Same thing goes for the toy cellphone.
• Toddlers understand lots of words, like "no", "stop", and "gentle". "Compliance", however, is not in their vocabulary.
• I do not want the food you have placed in front of me. I want the food placed in front of you. Even if that food is exactly the same.
• Toddler table manners are not an improvement over baby table manners. They may learn to use a fork and spoon, but seeing how far they can fling the food becomes an exciting game.
• Oh? You just put on a clean shirt? Here, let me fix that....
• It's only interesting if I can take it apart.
• It's only interesting if I can take it apart and I'm not supposed to.
• Where there's a toddler will, there's a way.